Deciding to divorce is of course a huge decision. It can be one that you have deliberated over for a long time, and have now finally realised it is the best option for you and your family. If you have children, then you may still be left with concerns like whether you will have full custody of your child, your partner will. Here are some practical tips on what you can do following the decision to part ways with your spouse.
Be conscious of the impact on your child
Most parents are conscious of the bearing their divorce will have on their child. However, children of any age can pick up on even the most subtle of tensions in the home. Offering ongoing reassurance that their parents still love them can often help children. When you are talking to them, try to strike the balance between being sensitive and age appropriate, while also being honest about what is happening.
For young children, keeping to routines and schedules as much as possible will provide a feeling of safety and security. This means where you can, maintain predictable activities such as bedtimes, meal times and play times.
Try to reach mutual agreements with your ex
If your divorce has been acrimonious, or there has been domestic abuse involved it is not advisable to reach out to your ex about agreements related to your children. If you are on relatively good terms, then it’s helpful to work out issues such as how often and when children will see each parent between yourselves. Going through the court system can be lengthy, more stressful and costly.
Consider mediation
If you are unable to agree on child arrangements, mediation is an advisable next step. It is also more cost-effective than going to court, but at the same time, provides both parents with a platform to voice their opinions, issues and concerns. Involving a neutral third party called a mediator, the process is aimed to help separating parents reach mutual agreements on various matters, including child related issues. The mediator does not order or tell the parents what they have to do but facilitates constructive dialogue when previous communication has broken down.
Think about finances
When divorce is on the cards, financial matters will also come to the fore. If you can reach an agreement with your ex on matters such as which parent will stay in the family home, how pensions or investments and other possessions will be split, then this will save you from a judge making a decision. Perhaps you are concerned about the amount of child care you or your partner will pay after your separation. In some cases, divorcing couples in the UK use the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) which can make and collect child maintenance payments on behalf of some parents and calculate the amount that should be paid.
Look after yourself too
Try to maintain friendships and social activities as much as you can. Having a supportive network around can help you air your grievances, confide in trusted friends and process what you are going through.
Practising this kind of self-care can also benefit your children as you will be demonstrating the importance of looking after yourself.
Conclusion
Going through a divorce can be a challenging and upsetting experience, particularly if you are concerned about the impact on your children. Working towards mutual agreements, being mindful of the potential effects on your children and taking care of yourself in the process are all actions that can help you navigate through this often challenging period.
